I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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