i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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