omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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