We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
