i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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