the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
