I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
