why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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