What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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