Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There are leaves in my underwear?
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