return my video game
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
