don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
