nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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