I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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