my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
