DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
