i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
