Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
