I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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