i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
