Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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