i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
