The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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