im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
