I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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