Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
