yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
