oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
