Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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