I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
