and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
