I can text with my tongue
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
