Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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