omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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