Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
