I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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