I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
