Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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