girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
