fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
