Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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