I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
