How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
