its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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