she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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