Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
