I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
