forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
