"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
