I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
