that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
