In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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